spider-man - damnation

[lacewood]

For aefallen

-

Night turned to morning, and the world didn't end.

Standing in a silent room filled with green glowing vials while a hollow-eyed mask sang discordant, nightmarish lullabies in his head, Harry was barely aware of it.

The world went on. Otto Octavius must have failed, Spiderman - Peter - must have won.

He wondered, fleetingly, if Mary Jane was alright. He hadn't meant for her to get involved, she wasn't a part of this; not like Peter had been.

Then he laughed. Of course she was alright. Peter would see to that or die trying and if the world hadn't ended - as it so clearly had not - then he must have saved the day - night - whatever after all.

He supposed he'd never really doubted that.

Peter Parker, superhero. Oh God, what a... joke, he'd call it, but it wasn't. He knew Peter, after all, had known him for years - no, had thought he knew him for years and... it wasn't a joke. You couldn't look into Peter's eyes and think it was a joke.

It wasn't even remotely funny.

So his best friend had been secretly saving the city for more than two years now. From criminals, from accidents, from mistakes, saving people from themselves.

Everyone but your father, the Green Goblin spat in his ear and Harry closed his eyes at that, saw his father's dead, gaunt face again.

Why hadn't he saved him? Because his father had killed people? Because he'd been a monster, a freak, mad and wild and uncontrollable? His father killed those people, Harry thought, remembering the newspaper articles, remembering the balcony and Mary Jane's terrified face as she fell.

But Spiderman had caught her, Spiderman who was, Harry thought, as much of a freak as the Green Goblin had been and then Spiderman killed the Green Goblin, his father, the Green Goblin...

The Green Goblin, who was still very much alive.

I live within you, his father said to him and he opened his eyes to meet the mask's empty eyes.

"Why?" he wanted to ask. Why did you hurt those people, there had to be a better way, why didn't you tell me, why did you have to die and leave me with this?

Why can't you leave me? Why can't I leave you?

You are mine, the Green Goblin snarled and he felt claws tighten around his heart, his mind.

He should fight it, a small part of him knew, but what did he have left to fight for? His shaking, crumbling sanity? His empty heart? His broken mockery of a life?

For a moment, he remembered MJ, her eyes like the sun, her smile like fire, the last time he'd kissed her. The memory burned to ash as he reached for it; she betrayed you, the Goblin reminded him. Betrayed him for Peter, but he'd forgiven Peter that, hadn't he, the way Peter had forgiven him.

Peter, who had betrayed him more times than he could count now.

The Goblin screamed at the thought, screamed and screeched and howled until Harry had to press his hands over his ears, curling on the floor, and still he could hear the wild, furious laughter.

Destroy him, hurt him, break him as he has broken you, hurt you, taken everything you ever had, it sang to him.

I don't want to hurt him. He had to do it, you were hurting people, he tried to say but the words were lost in the screams.

When had things come to this? When had it started to hurt to be alive, to keep breathing?

New school, new faces, and Harry had started to think he was going to starve before he found the cafeteria - why wasn't it where it was supposed to be? This was embarrassing; you'd think he'd be good at this considering the number of times he'd had to do it.

He was standing in a long, nondescript hall lined with what looked like labs, wondering how he'd got here, when a door beside him opened and a bespectacled boy nearly walked into him.

"Hey, watch it -"

"Sorry, I didn't see you there," the boy muttered and looked up with a sheepish smile. Harry found himself almost smiling back and stepped back to let him pass.

"Nah, it's alright," he'd said, sorry for snapping and not quite ready to admit he was /lost/ yet. Maybe he could just surreptiously follow him out of here and find his way back. The boy didn't move, eyeing him with faint recognition.

"... Oh, hey, you're new here, aren't you? Um... Harry, right?"

He looked at the other boy again, startled. Past experience had told him it usually took two weeks before anyone started noticing you existed in a new school. He didn't recognise anyone; he didn't think anyone would recognise him.

"Er, yeah. And er, you're..."

"Oh, I'm Peter. Peter Parker. I'm in your homeroom, I was sitting near the back, by the window. You probably didn't notice me," he said, easily, as if no one ever did and this didn't bother him.

"So... were you looking for something? Maybe I could... I don't know, show you around a bit. If you need me to, that is," he said, gesturing vaguely and dropping the stack of books under his arm.

Harry caught a heavy hardcover as it slipped. The title was incomprehensible; so Parker was a geek, he thought. Not that this hadn't been rather obvious from the beginning. And Harry, he realised, did not care. It wasn't like he was any better off at the moment.

He handed the book back and found himself saying, "That'd be great. I can't even find the cafeteria, can you believe it? I thought I was going to starve before I got lunch."

Peter laughed and he found that he didn't mind, because it wasn't that kind of laugh. And he'd followed him to the cafeteria, and Peter had shown him how to get to class and -

And it'd started there and ended here. Harry clenched his teeth so hard he thought he tasted blood. Turning, he left the room to stand in the broken, cobweb-covered passge outside while sunlight blinded him through the hole in the wall.

In the distance, the city was waking. Millions of people would never know what they had been saved from and never care, and yet Peter saved them over and over, again and again.

Saved them all. Except his father. Except...

"Come back and face me," he told the city below. "Dammit, Pete, you coward -"

He screamed and the Goblin screamed with him.

Murderer killer coward traitor where are you now?

Where are you now when it's too late?

Save me, he tried to say, but there was no one to hear.

There has never been anyone to hear but me, the Goblin whispered in his ear. Come with me and I will show you power, glory, the end to this all...

A claw traced his cheek and drew blood and Harry closed his eyes. Opened them.

And fell.

end

November 2004