lacewood: (melancholy)
Pei Yi ([personal profile] lacewood) wrote in [community profile] toxicskyremix2004-05-16 09:21 pm

shaman king - the first goodbye

For [livejournal.com profile] pornkings

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He feels the cold bite through his bare skin, into his bones, terrible and merciless, but it is secondary, unimportant beside the cold that is Matamune's leaving, the leaking away of the warmth of his spirit. Yoh feels his knees give way and stumbles into the snow, but he does not let go of the necklace. Matamune's necklace, his fingers curled so tight around it, it seems that he had forgtten how to let go.

Come back, he wants to say but he knows that Matamune won't, can't, that he is not strong enough to say the words and make them come true. So he is silent, even as he hears, over and over again.

Goodbye.

Always know what you have to do.

Protect her.

Above the howling of the wind comes the sound of footsteps crunching through the snow. The torn remnants of the coat are draped on his shoulders, though it is scant protection against the cold. He does not look up but he knows she is there, beside him, watching him.

She said she loved him.

The words are almost more than he can grasp.

She does not speak, and he cannot, so they become a counterpoint of silence to the storm raging around them. He takes a breath and the cold burns him, but nothing burns like the reaching out and finding Matamune not there - have they only been friends for three days? It feels like so much more. He has promises to keep, he knows, and he must stand and walk and face them. And one day he will call Matamune back.

But for now, he can't, he can only huddle in the snow, almost shaking, and let it go. Feel his own tears turn to ice on his cheeks. Feel her beside him, watching.

The first goodbye is the hardest.

Everything ends here, and begins here. The moment stays with them forever, etched in the wind and snow, the knowing that she is beside him in this time and place and it is as much a promise as anything else. It is eternity.

Goodbye.

end

December 2003